It’s easy to let anger drive us to withdraw from situations that require our presence, especially when it comes to family events or important occasions. For example, we might be angry with a sibling or relative, and this anger can cause us to avoid family gatherings, like a memorial or ritual ceremony for our parents. But in doing so, we miss out on being there for our loved ones, and this absence can hurt our parents deeply.
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The impact of our absence
When we choose not to show up for a family gathering because of personal conflicts, it may seem like a small thing. However, our parents can feel the void. They may not say it, but they are likely to feel disappointed and saddened by our absence. Often, we fail to see this impact because we’re caught up in our own emotions and misunderstandings. The family gathering is not just about the individuals involved, but about the collective presence that holds meaning for everyone, especially the parents.
This is where the importance of letting go of ego comes in. Our ego, or “self,” is often the reason we get caught up in personal grievances. Our sense of pride, our “I,” is often small and petty, especially in the grand scheme of things. But the collective good—the larger picture—is what truly matters. When we choose to put aside our ego and focus on the greater good, we are practicing true wisdom.
True growth comes from letting go of the “I”
To truly grow, we must consistently remind ourselves that “I am nothing, yet I am everything.” This mindset allows us to step away from personal pride and towards a deeper understanding of unity and connection. When we let go of the need to always be right or to hold onto our anger, we open ourselves to the love and presence that bind us together as a family. In doing so, we foster harmony and peace in our relationships and allow our actions to be guided by compassion rather than ego.
The key to family unity is to put aside personal differences and ego for the sake of the greater good. By being present and letting go of our small “self,” we can truly show love and respect for those who matter most. When we understand that our actions impact the whole, not just the individual, we can live with greater harmony, compassion, and understanding.
Lesson by Venerable Thích Pháp Hoà