Why love alone isn’t enough: The need for understanding

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In our lives, two things are indispensable: love and understanding. Everyone desires love—everyone wants to be loved and to have someone to love. We long for that connection, to have someone we care for, and to feel the love in return. However, there may be something we lack: the understanding that should accompany love.

Love Without Understanding

While it’s natural to love, it’s equally important to understand. Without understanding, love can sometimes become a source of pain rather than joy. If we don’t truly understand each other, our love may unintentionally harm the person we care about, rather than bringing them happiness. Over time, this misunderstanding can lead to frustration. They may suffer from our well-meaning love, feeling overwhelmed or hurt by it. Eventually, they may respond in ways that wound us, and we might find ourselves saying, “I didn’t do anything wrong. I was just showing love.”

However, the truth is, we may lack the skill of loving with understanding. True love isn’t just about feeling affection; it’s about knowing how to express that affection in a way that the other person can receive and appreciate it fully. If we understand them, we can show our love in a way that honors their feelings.

The Pain of Misunderstood Love

For instance, if we do something that the other person doesn’t like, but we don’t understand their preferences, we may continue doing that thing thinking we are showing love. But each time they encounter that action, it brings them pain. They may smile, but it’s not a genuine smile—it’s a forced one, because they want to make us happy. But in the process, they themselves are not happy.

This creates a situation where neither of us can fully experience joy. We go through our daily lives with a sense of awkwardness, unable to truly open up to each other and share our feelings. This is where the importance of love and understanding comes into play.

How to Love with Understanding

True love means understanding how to make the person feel comfortable expressing their feelings toward us. It’s about knowing how to create an environment where they feel safe and loved enough to open their heart to us. It’s not just about giving love; it’s about giving love in a way that the other person can receive and express it back to us.

Understanding how they feel, what makes them happy, and what causes them pain allows us to offer love that truly nurtures their heart. This kind of love encourages them to be open, to share their thoughts, and to express their true feelings without fear of judgment or misunderstanding.

Conclusion: The Harmony of Love and Understanding

In the end, love is not just about giving; it’s about giving with understanding. When we understand the needs and emotions of the person we love, we can offer a love that is both nourishing and fulfilling. It’s through this balance of love and understanding that we can build stronger, deeper connections with those we care about, allowing both sides to share their hearts fully and without reservation.

Lesson by Venerable Thích Pháp Hoà

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Buddha Student
Buddha Student
I am a student of Buddhist teachings, sharing valuable insights from my journey of self-learning and exploring Buddhism. Most of the articles are compiled from the lectures of various Vietnamese monks. I hope these writings are as helpful to you as they have been to me.

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