Losing a Loved One – A Natural Pain of Humanity
In life, loss is unavoidable.
- When we lose a loved one, feeling sorrow is completely natural.
- No one can lose a loved one without feeling heartache and sorrow.
However, if we understand the teachings of Buddhism, we can gradually transform our sadness and reduce suffering through mindfulness.
Our Loved Ones Are Never Truly Gone – They Live On in Their Descendants
When a person passes away, we no longer see them in their physical form. However, their bloodline, genes, habits, and personality continue to live on in their descendants.
For example:
- My father has passed away, but his blood still runs through me, my siblings, and our children.
- One child may have his smile, another may have his walk or way of speaking.
Thus, my father is not gone; he has merely transformed, existing in a different way.
When we understand this, we will see that our loved ones are still living in the world, not truly gone.
Time Will Heal All Pain
If losing a loved one is unbearable, then how did we cope with the passing of grandparents, great-grandparents, and others before them?
Over time, everything will ease, because the nature of life is birth, aging, illness, and death.
Do not let yourself dwell in sorrow for too long, because that is not the way to bring peace to the departed.
Loss Doesn’t Only Happen When Someone Dies – Sometimes We Lose People While They’re Still Alive
The Buddha teaches that loss does not only occur when someone dies, but can also happen while they are still alive.
- There are those who are still physically present, yet we have already lost them long ago.
- Some people become estranged due to a single word or wrong action.
- There are those who live together, but the emotional connection is no longer there.
For example:
- A harsh word breaks the bond with a loved one.
- A moment of anger causes a relationship to fracture forever.
- A married couple may still live together, but their hearts no longer belong to one another.
Losing the physical presence is not as frightening as losing the connection, losing love.
How to Transform the Pain?
- Reflect that our loved ones still exist in their descendants.
- Understand that birth and death are natural laws, and everyone must eventually depart.
- Time will soothe the pain, and we should not remain lost in sorrow.
- Appreciate those who are still with us, as some lose each other even while alive.
- Do meaningful deeds to dedicate merits to the deceased, helping them achieve liberation.
By accepting impermanence and realizing that loss is just a transformation, we will feel lighter in heart.
Final Thought
- Losing a loved one is a normal part of life – it is something everyone must go through.
- Loved ones do not disappear completely; they live on in their descendants.
- Time will help ease the pain, and we should not linger in suffering.
- It’s not just death that causes loss – sometimes we lose people through words and actions.
- Appreciate those still by your side, live virtuously, and dedicate your merits to the departed.
Death is a part of life, and what matters most is how we learn to accept, let go, and continue living meaningfully.
- Dreams and Signs from the Deceased Loved One in Buddhism – Venerable Thich Phap Hoa
- Offering to the Deceased in Buddhism – True Meaning and How to Perform It
- Reincarnation, Karma, and How to Perform Ceremonial Prayers for the Deceased
This article is compiled based on a sermon by Venerable Thích Pháp Hoà
The Original Dharma Talk
How to Ease the Grief of Losing a Loved One – Venerable Thich Phap Hoa
Below is his original lesson:
Làm sao để vượt qua nỗi đau mất người thân? – Thầy Thích Pháp Hoà
