We Feed Our Own Pain
Often, it’s our own way of living that causes us suffering, not someone else.
- Someone says something, then goes to sleep, but we hold onto those words, tossing and turning all night.
- We go on telling others: “Last month, they insulted me!”
- When asked, “What did they say?” “They called me stupid.”
- And so, we repeat the insult to ourselves, causing more harm.
It doesn’t stop there; we tell everyone we meet, repeating it over and over again, from one person to the next.
- The other person says it once, but we hold onto it for the entire year.
- We keep repeating it, and it’s like we’re insulting ourselves a thousand times.
Holding Onto Resentment Only Causes More Suffering
Not only do we repeat the words, but we also hold onto the anger in our hearts.
- At night, we can’t sleep, thinking: “I should have said something back!”
- The more we think, the angrier we get, and the angrier we become, the more we suffer.
- And who created this suffering? We did.
The other person said it once and forgot, but we live with those words forever.
- Isn’t it us who are causing our own suffering?
How to Let Go?
Understand that the words of others don’t have value if we don’t pay attention to them
- They said it and forgot; only we keep it.
- A single comment doesn’t define our worth, so why hold onto it and suffer?
Don’t repeat what harms you
- Repeating the hurt only prevents the wound from healing.
- Don’t let others hurt you a second or third time by constantly reminding yourself of that pain.
Ask yourself: Is this worth the suffering?
- Does a single comment deserve to make you suffer for a week, a month, or even a year?
- If it’s not worth it, then let it go.
Accept that we can’t control what others say
- What others say is their business; how we react is our business.
- If we hold onto every word someone says, aren’t we letting them control our emotions?
Final Thought
- Often, someone else may only hurt us once, but we end up hurting ourselves hundreds of times.
- Holding onto resentment doesn’t make us happier, it only brings more suffering.
- The best way is to let go – forget the things that aren’t worth remembering.
- Happiness doesn’t come from holding onto negativity, but from knowing how to let go and live lightly.
A single comment only has power when we give it attention; if we don’t care, it’s just a passing breeze.
This article is compiled based on a sermon by Venerable Thích Pháp Hoà
The Original Dharma Talk
Letting Go of Words That Hurt – Venerable Thich Phap Hoa
Below is his original lesson:
Cách Sống Khiến Mình Khổ – Làm Sao Buông Bỏ? – Thầy Thích Pháp Hoà
