Why Can People Who Love Each Other Also Hate Each Other Deeply?
In life, there’s a curious thing:
- The more you love someone, the deeper the hatred can be when things go wrong.
- The more affection you invest in someone, the greater the disappointment and hatred when things fall apart.
Why is this so?
- When we love someone, we put our heart, expectations, and trust in them.
- But if things don’t turn out as hoped, we feel resentment and hatred.
- This is why love can turn into hatred, and close relationships can turn into enmity.
“If you don’t love, you won’t hate. But if you’ve loved, you can hate deeply.”
Hatred Is Not Random – Everything Has Its Cause and Condition
There are people with whom we’ve never done anything wrong, yet when we meet them, we may feel hatred or feel hated immediately.
This can be due to karmic connections from past lives.
- It’s possible that there was a past grievance, and now in this life, we meet again, and that hatred arises.
- It’s not that people randomly hate us – it could be that we did something to them in the past.
As for those who hate us in this life, we need to observe:
- They have had a close relationship with us.
- No one suddenly becomes an enemy unless there has been a deep connection before.
So, hatred is also a type of cause and condition, arising from incomplete feelings or past wounds.
Seeing the Equality Between Ourselves and Those Who Hate Us
If we understand this cause and condition, we will reduce blame and see the equality in hatred.
- They don’t hate us without reason – surely we have done something to cause them harm.
- If we have wronged them, it’s understandable for them to hate us.
- Instead of blaming them for hating us, we should reflect on ourselves – have we done something to make them resent us?
Equality here means fairness:
- If we have done wrong, it’s natural for them to hate us.
- If we understand this, we will no longer blame them.
“There is no smoke without fire – without karmic connections, how can there be hatred?”
Final Thought
- The more we love, the deeper the resentment when things go wrong.
- No one hates anyone without reason – everything has its cause and condition, whether from this life or the past.
- If someone hates us, we should ask: Have I ever caused harm to them?
- Seeing the equality in karma, we will no longer resent those who hate us.
Instead of holding grudges, practice compassion, resolve karmic conditions, so that hatred doesn’t continue in this life or the next.
This article is compiled based on a sermon by Venerable Thích Pháp Hoà
The Original Dharma Talk
The More We Hate, The More We Love – A Buddhist Perspective – Venerable Thich Phap Hoa (audio translated)
Below is his original lesson:
Thương chừng nào mà khi họ tức mình rồi họ ghét mình hơn chừng nấy – Thầy Thích Pháp Hoà
